My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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