Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
