i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
