Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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