drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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