Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
