im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I feel great
I just peed on a car
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
