Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
