I want to have your abortion
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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