your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
zippers are such a cool invention
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
