Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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