remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
