So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Duck Duck Cougar?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
