I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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