he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
