she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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