An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You're breaking my sexual little heart
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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