I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
