How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
