There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
