Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
