Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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