4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
