The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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