so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
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