I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
