I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
