i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
