He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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