I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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