No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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