Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
