if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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