just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
