She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
