Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
