Redeem this text for a blowjob
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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