She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
