You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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