You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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