BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
