he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
