You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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