I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
