just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We need to rekindle our bromance
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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