Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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