grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I look better un-naked...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
