I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
