the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Randomize
