I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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