he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
