In the future we'll all be gay
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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